Dear Joe

"We are all a little weird,

Life is a little weird,

and when we find someone whos weirdness is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love."

    

    Our weirdness was mutual but sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to that much for them...

More later....

Catching up

"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."
- Arrigo Boito

I feel bad that I haven't written in a while. I've been so wrapped up this Summer with my online class and summer reading project. Plus, there is always my usual drama concerning boys and family.  Not that I really have any readers, but it's nice just to type and let the words flow.
Recently, I broke up with Joe. Got depressed and turned to unloving fucking to make myself feel better... which it really hasn't. I feel very lost right now and I'm not really sure what to do.
Any ideas?
Recently I've been writing in a journal, and if you read it you might understand the quote I chose it a little more. I'm sorry, but I feel a little lazy and I'm not up to rewriting it! Plus, I don't really have the time right now. I must be brief.
My first day of tennis will be Friday! And by first day, I really mean it. I've never really played before. Apparently I'm a natural but I think my friends exaggerate... haha, well I guess I'll soon find out.
Have to run now, job interview time :) Wish me luck!
More later.

*ZOOM!!!* "Oh hey, there goes my life..."

"What's the difference between a skydiver and a golfer?  A golfer goes *wack* 'oh shit!'  a skydiver goes 'oh shit!' *wack*"

Between the moving, the arguing, the engagement, school finals, and the constant panic attacks; it's been a while since my brain, lungs, and heart had a break.  Now, I'm not suggesting that they take a break all at once... I'd be dead.  Or even just one of them... Ok.  What I'm trying to get out in this jumble of nonsense in word format is that I'm freaking tired!  I've been sooo completely stressed lately it's like I'm in hyper drive and everything goes really fast but at the end of the day I can't remember a damned thing.  You'd think I'd be exciting that Summer is just around the corner.  No.  I can't say that I'm as extatic as the rest of my bubbley classmates.  Instead of lounging by the pool and chilling with friends... I'm working, taking bio, and meeting new relatives.  All of which is very stressful.  And don't tell me not to complain!  I've been working all year; Summer is the time I'm suppost to go bananas and be a teen.  Guess what?  That's not going to happen.
Pleeeeeeaaase!  Whom ever is out there that controls all of this mess some consider my life.  I need help!  Life-preserver!  ANYTHING!?  I'll even take a chill pill if You have one handy...
mOrE lAtEr.

The S word

What the heck is wrong with public schools? ABSTINENCE???? REALLY PEOPLE??? Ok, I'm totally not trying to crush anyones beliefs at all! If you want to be abstinent, awesome! Do what you believe in I'm all for that! But most kids now a days become sexually active in high school and if schools don't teach kids how to be safe when having sex then they are going to be at a higher risk of getting an STI or getting pregnant.
My health teacher can't even say the word sex, instead he has dubed it "the S word" ........... If you can't even say sex then you have no right to be teaching health.
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! Kids are getting the wrong idea about sex and it's our job to fix it. So here's my idea... I'm going to start a club (and I encourage kids all over the world to do the same) called "I am beautiful." Since my school has banned teaching about sex in any manner I have to be descreat about this. This clubs "main idea" will be about helping self-esteam, which it will be about but this way I can get into talking about safe sex.
I'm not looking for negative feedback. If you don't have anything nice to say... well then you can screw yourself! XD

Flushed

A new semester. Which should mean a clean fresh start. For me? Ya i guess so... I really like all my classes but it seems like i don't have any friends... at all. It's just me in a sea of people. I feel swallowed up by the crowd. All the people who I did consider my friends, Joe included, have the same lunch and the same classes. I'm all by myself... and I'm scared. I'm jealouse of Joe beacause he seems to be just having the time of his life. He really does deserve it though; he works so hard all the time. I feel bad for feeling jealouse too. I just don't know what to do!!!!!!
I thought high school would be so much better than this; so much different. I feel like I'm losing who I really am. I feel like I'm slowly losing Joe as well... First this thing with our moms, and now this.
I feel like the life that I loved before has been flushed down the toilet. Oh! There goes my happieness! Goodbye joy and laughter! Hello world of mellowdrama and loneliness. No one even reads this dumb blog... I'm not sure why I still even post anymore. I mean really, no one cares about all of this. People are too selfobsorbed with themselves to want to read about someone elses fucked up life. And yet, I shall still post. If only to keep me sane.
More later.

So what's your problem?

Arg! I kept thinking that things were going to get easier but now I've completely given up that hope... I have reason to believe that I might be moving in with dad for good and now that mother and mother of my beloved Joe have gotten into an argument, I am not allowed to see him. Romeo and Juliet much? I have also recently discovered that everyone has their own problems. If anyone is reading this they might think "You just now figured that out you dummy?" Well yes, I knew that everyone had problems but I didn't really know that everyone had problems that sucked as much as mine. And now you're probably thinking "Wow, what a self-absorbed bitch," But yes, in fact my problems do suck a great deal. Not only do I have a restraining order against my mothers ex boyfriend, "what's his face" for you dedicated readers, my mother is an emotionally draining person who I fight with constantly and has baggage that Arnold Shwortsinagar would need help carrying also, just recently my daddy has decided to leave me out of all the "me and him things" to do them with his new girlfriend, who I have decided is hiding something, and now this thing with mother and... lets just call her mother-in-law.

Oh I do hope that I make in on the soccer team this year... High school scares me.

Urrrg some people are such hypocrites

I JUST WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND FORGET EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN IN THIS DUMB TOWN!

Jelly anyone?

I'll post again after I have been cured of this mental breakdown

over and out.

flip... FLOP!

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Just when I thought MAYBE things were going to look up. I got home around 8:30 last night; I was out with Joe and his family for dinner. My mom had locked both doors and didn't seem to be home. We called her and she apologized and said that she had been at one of the neighbors houses. After my mom chatted up Joes mom, they left. Mom told me that she had had a little run in with "What's His Face" and that I had to go to my dads that night and maybe for the whole week. She was going to stay at a friends house and was going to go to COURT tomorrow! She also took my cell phone because what's his face had been texting me some things that he shouldn't have and she had to take it to court to show that judge. I'm not sure whether to be scared or relieved. I feeling a little bit of both, with some paranoia mixed it.
My muscles still ache from weight training on Tuesday so I'm skipping today and I'm just going to go home and run.
I don't really feel the same umph I usually feel to blog. When I read over my posts they don't seem to fit in with the earlier posts I've done.
I can't wait for winter break! I just want it to come already! We are going up to my Grandpa's in upstate NY!!! I get to help out at his winery and we get the best room at his B&B! I wish that we could stay longer... But I'll take the time that I can get :) I have to say that I didn't really like my Grandpa before. He always seemed hard and was always smoking/working on his computer all day. But we started talking on the phone and now I feel like I have a real Grandfather again! I'm so excited to go and visit! The only thing that could make it better is if Joe could be there. He was going to come with us but we have to leave Christmas morning and his mom wants him to stay home for that. Which I totally understand but it would still be nice if he could come...
Bell is about to ring.
More later.