Who's life is this here?!?!

A quote is suppose to go here... but I don't feel like typing one.

Ah! Have you ever felt like one day you woke up and the world just decided to start turning in the other direction? There are so many things going on! I feel like my brain was just flipped and I'm seeing my life through totally different eyes.

I knew that growing up would change my opinion of my parents, but who knew that there were secrets even in their closets? I've lived with these humans for 15 years and little did I know that they were pulling a fast one on me my whole existence. Mellow dramatic? I think not.

I went to a theripest the other day and she asked me if I'm lonely. The question took me by total suprise to be honest. I don't think I've ever really been lonely, not really anyway. I told her that even though I have friends at school I don't feel connected with them. It just doesn't feel the same, and then I thought about it more and even if I was back at my old school with old friends I still don't think I would feel any different. Has it been this way my whole life? I do have some close friends but not a lot. So, am I lonely? No. I can't really say that I am. Sad a little some times; but I've always been a pretty independent person. Is it ok to feel this way? At my age? Is it normal? I'm sure it is, but I just had to ask...

More later.

PARACHUTING my way to Kate Vogele!!!

"If gravity happens then I'll fasten wings to my shoes." -Kate Vougele

Wow wow wow wow!!!! Last night was AMAZING! Parachute AND Kate Vougele!!! I can't think of a more perfect way to spend a school night. Though the lack of homework in English class was surely missed, and most likely a "B" will appear on my Spanish quiz... it was way worth it! Pictures shall be posted of me with band members on Facebook as soon as possible! Ahhh, meeting my hero's really gives me the umph it keep writing and playing guitar. It's going to be me up on stage one day! Just you wait!
P.S....... SEXAPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired tired tiiiiiired!!

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. " -Newt Gingrich


Gosh, I'm not sure why I even started this post. I don't really have anything to say but the fact that I'm avoiding doing the ominous stack of homework in my backpack. Hmmmm...
I know it's weird, but I always thought that cows were born with teeth. Well, actually I had never really thought about it much until last weekend when I went to go visit some baby cows. All they wanted to do was suck on my hands. It was odd.
I'm so tired. I can't believe how tired I am. I not sure how I'm still awake. Ug! And today I just can't miss drivers ed! This is annoying. If it were any other day I would have just stayed home in bed. I'm just to tired to work on these assignments which have no end to them and don't seem to have a purpose. I'm to tired to try and be peppy for friends and laugh at jokes that really aren't that funny to begin with. I'm to tired to type! Please oh please oh PLEASE, just let me get through this long endless seeming day so I can go home and sleep! (After the ominous pile of homework of course).
Talked with an interesting old person this weekend. Cooked, and made-out with my amazing boyfriend. Now if only I could get an A in English!!!! I really don't understand how my favorite class became the class that I dread going to in the morning. Life can be a bitch sometimes... and I feel guilty for saying that, due to the fact that there are some many people out there with terrible lives and would envy me. It's just not fair.
What if I. I actually don't know what I was just about to say. I just kind of wanted to type that. I just looove typing. The way the keys sound when you press them down and the feel of my fingernails against the plastic... and then of course the feeling of accomplishment when I've finished typing something.
Five minutes till plus is over and I have to struggle to keep my eyes open on math problems that I don't think I'll ever use in a life time of real work outside of school. Now four minutes... gosh I'm tired. Whats his face isn't coming over this week. Thank God. Though like half his wardrobe is in our guest room at the moment. Three minutes. I'm a little hungry... I wonder if I could skip math and go to first lunch... no no, I know I can't. Two minutes. I saw the new Footloose last night :) I was really cool. I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't seen the first one yet, and I'm worried to tell Joe that. One minute. Because I know that he loves Footloose and I kind of made it sound like I saw the first one already. Woops. Alright... I should turn this off now... Ug. Well, wish me luck! Zero minutes.

It's late... This might not be worth reading... It's short, just read it anyway.

“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.” ―Sylvia Plath,

Ok, i need help. I'm having paranoia in mood swings so fast it's giving me whiplash. Along with this paranoia, jealousy rears it's ugly head in my mind.

"What's His Face" is here again and I don't even want to talk about what he's done. All i can say is that I'm confused and angry at my mom... and i have the right to be! I feel like crying. Oh gosh, there's another mood swing. No, I'm not preggers! What would made you think that? Gosh! You people! Who am I talking to?

More on my oddness later.

Is anyone listening to me??!?!?!?

"Can a Mime
Make a rhyme?
Sure a Mime
Can make a rhyme.
But who would
Hear it?"
By Shirley Smothers

She does that THING.
The thing where she pretends to listen and value my opinion, but doesn’t. I don’t feel like I’m being heard at all
sometimes. Like MY words just go through
one ear and out the other. The “she” I’m
referring to, is my mother. The only
time she really “values my opinion” is when she needs something done for her
and I’m the only one that is around to help.
Yes, this is yet another post of what my English teacher would call “melodramatic,”
but these words are just coming from my head!
So I guess I’m just a melodramatic person! Get over it Miss ____.

Joe and I have made up!
I’ve decided that my freak-out episode was due to lack of sleep and my “end
of the month, lady problem.” But now he’s
gone (Joe, not my lady problem… a girl can only dream), off on a trip and will
not return until the end of this weekend.
Which I suppose is fine because I need to make time for my truly
neglected friends, homework, and the dreadful housework, which taunts me every
times I set foot in my room.

Oy guvult! I shouldn’t
have had that yummy yummy yummy coffee today.
I went to the doctors a little while ago and found out that I have this
heart thingy where it really hurts if I drink coffee or don’t sit up straight. Some shit about my sternum pressing up against
my heart… Something like that.

If anyone else out there is having “mommy troubles” please
contact me. We can bitch together (that
was a little harsh…) (NOT) (who asked you?) (fuck off dummy, I’m your brain!). Anyway, before I start talking to myself like
a mad person I’m ending this post.
Until later. Anyone?

Woops

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..."

So yesterday I wrote almost two pages of me ranting and saying all these things that I would never tell anyone and I was just about to post it, but for some reason blogspot wasn't working so it didn't post and I was really pissed off about it, but today I'm really glad that it didn't post because I probably sounded like a mad woman! I'll tell you though, last night I totally had a mental breakdown. I don't know if it's because of the time of month or because of the season change, but I just totally broke down and sobbed for about an hour. I would like to think that this is normal.

I realized something this morning. I've been a selfish lately. I got into a fight with Joe yesterday and I was totally pissed off at him because I felt like he wasn't taking my feelings into consideration; but now that I think about it, it's ME that's not taking HIS feelings into consideration. You see, he just sold his house and his mom is kind of freaking out and putting a lot of pressure on him, plus they don't even know where they're going to live for the time being. I feel terrible for not thinking about that yesterday when I was upset with him. I didn't realize that he was going through a tough time. I hope that I can make it up to him somehow...

On another note: The quote I put up today, I've decided that I need to live by that more and if I do I'm pretty sure I'll become a happier person. Any thoughts?

Until later.

Ummm.... Sorry?

Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.
-Dalai Lama

I can't remember the last time that i wrote a post and I'm sorry about that. A lot has happened I suppose and I'm not sure whether to be happy about it or not.
Yesterday was Halloween. "Joe" (I call him Joe because I'm not keen on sharing who this person is) and I didn't do much; watched scary movies, visited with neighbors, and handed out candy. We were going to visit this haunted house but Joe got sick out of the blue. Today Joe is going to the doctor to make sure that it isn't his appendix... I really hope it's not.
Something has been on my mind lately and if anyone has any incite at all on what the heck could be going on with my mind PLEASE comment or SOMETHING because I slightly feel like I'm going insane. Joe and I are so happy. I've waited 7 years to be with him and be as happy as I am now. I love him. I don't want to be with anyone else and I don't think that I will ever want to be with anyone else. The thing is, Matt has been on my mind! I've had dreams about him and thoughts and I'm on the borderline of stalking him on FB! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???? I know things ended badly and I haven't seen him since then.... and that's probably why these things have been going through my head; but it's maddening! I just want them to stop. Any ideas???
Yuck, B on my independent reading project... What a rip off. Actually if we're being honest I'm lucky to have gotten a B because I only worked a day on it. I did everything I was suppose to but I guess when it comes down to being honest, B was the best I could have gotten. Oh! I better get a good grade in English or my parents are going to flip! How can I get a bad grade on my supposedly favorite subject???
Oh! That reminds me, guuuuess what!!?!?! I'm in high school! XD Ha! take that!

Anyone else feeling holiday stress?